Respecting the Culture and Myself

Like any new volunteer, I was excited to come in with big determination and ideas! At the same time, I wanted to be intentional to not fall into the ‘white savior complex’: to think that I am better than everyone, can come in and take charge, and that my knowledge to provide solutions are superior than the local people, assuming that they have never thought about them before. Moreover, I would be naïve to start projects without knowing the barriers or challenges that I may face. Thus, I needed to take time to learn about the culture, the community, their social interactions, and the different systems and structures in place. Without doing so, I would harm the relationships with the community members and the school. Who wants to work with someone who thinks they are ‘superior’ and neglect the voices of others? Moreover, I would be discrediting all their wealth of knowledge, experience, buy-in, and assistance in my projects.

Hence, learning a new culture has required me to suspend my judgement as my way of life is not the only way of doing things. It would be so much easier to conclude an assumption or judgement, and to then proceed with that narrative in my mind. Because is it not human tendency where people dislike sitting in the discomfort and unknown, and to quickly find a way out to ease the dissonance? Thus, I had to wrestle myself to understand the motive or purpose behind the culture, or how the system developed to its functionality today.

And while adjustments were made along the way, the learning process never ends. I am an outsider who is learning the culture in a snippet of time versus the natives who have lived and breathed the experiences over the years, where culture is fabricated into their identity. The reality is that culture is a socialization taught in one’s life early on through child-rearing, schools educating their students, and people interacting with others to reinforce what is socially acceptable or normal. As an outsider, I need to have patience learning their culture as I am the one invited into their home.

In full disclosure, I did lose myself in the process. I questioned my thoughts on what I considered ‘right’ and ‘wrong.’ If there was something I did not quite align with, I rationalized on why it should be permissible. I felt like it was my responsibility as the volunteer to be the understanding one, thus, I constantly sought to validate others for their views and actions. On the other hand, I invalidated myself in the process for my desire to feel belonged in society. To then insert my own values would make me vulnerable to judgement, stand out, and reinforce the umlungu label that I so badly wanted to break away from.

The Balance

The truth is that culture is beautiful, where people unite with its richness in language, history, traditions, celebrations, and more. The question is at what point does a person distinguish themselves as a unique individual, without subjecting themselves to everything about the culture, while still being a part it? Across all cultures, not everything is constructive. Hence, people can decide what to abide or not partake in. At the same time, despite people recognizing the unconstructive aspects, individuals are influenced by the culture that impacts their environment, making it a collective societal struggle.

So, what does this mean for me? I will never be able to fully fit in as I have not been raised in this culture. As a result, I will always be different and will stand out. Moreover, I am different because I have my own cultural backgrounds and life experiences that others have not lived. Thus, I need to not try so hard to assimilate (no one is forcing me to assimilate, rather the pressures I put on myself!). Instead, I can continue to acculturate, keep my own rich cultural backgrounds while learning and respecting the Swazi culture.

Most importantly, I cannot inhibit my ability to help others in fear of standing out and the label that may come with it. It is inevitable that I will stand out as change catches people’s attention for going against the norm. Just as I have taught the primary students in my club, I need to be the gamechanger: a person who stands up against negative behaviors and makes a positive change in the community. In doing so, other people may take the courage to join me. People will always judge regardless, so it is better that I am judged for who I am rather than who I am trying to be for others.

Sometimes, it is not about change on something that is negative, rather, it can be a different way of doing things or having different priority of values. Some people may become defensive as I highlight the differences in our cultures, leading them to feel attacked themselves. However, I do not want to approach anyone on who is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, rather to have a dialogue where both parties understand and learn more from each other. In doing so, we may exchange and find the best parts of both cultures to live out. Even if there are disagreements, it comes down to respect… to respect one another despite their different values and thoughts, and to treat each other the same without ousting the other.

Dear Eswatini,

So how do I make Arosah become a part of Tenina Nkambule (my siswati name)? I think I will start with allowing myself to be more vulnerable. I have observed amongst the youth in your country that they are very guarded. Once a person is hurt, some close themselves up from new friendships and isolate themselves. It is a natural defense mechanism as they do not want to get hurt again. I have also thought similarly as a youth. However, we as humans cannot generalize those who have hurt us to be just like everyone else. It robs us from the joys in life where we can meet people who genuinely want to be supportive and encouraging.

Personally, to be vulnerable allows people to know that I am human too. I will be the first to admit that I have made mistakes and have my own failures too. To be vulnerable is not a weakness, rather it allows people to know that they are not alone, to learn lessons from the hardships we have faced, and to encourage others that our struggles do not define us. I just want the youth to know that they are strong and they can overcome. I want them to believe in themselves and not let the weight of the world make them think they can’t. Even if these kids cannot live the choice of their dreams, they can still see the little joys in life to help them carry through. I just want these youth to be mentally healthy so that it can carry them through adulthood versus living a life where they are going through the motions and become apathetic to the world. I just want these youth to never give up on hope…

I realized that I am almost hitting my one-year mark of service in-country. That means my time is getting shorter and I just want to make the most of it before I depart. I don’t want to hold back anymore out of fear, rather, to just pour out. So, I will start by articulating what I want for my students in class (when we return from school break). I need to use the gift of words in order to communicate because they are not mind-readers. And in doing so, maybe they can be encouraged or empowered. I want them to know their self-worth, their capabilities, and eventually their voice so that they can stand up for themselves or communicate their needs, in order to get the love and respect they deserve.

To seeing how the journey continues to unfold.

Your Volunteer,

Arosah / Tenina Nkambule